written by: Carissa Waggoner
As I sit here, my mind travels back in time to seventeen years ago today. I went through a really tough season. The year 2008 started with me grieving the loss of my third baby and questioning God.
I wrote in my journal only five days in the month of January and didn’t pick it back up until March 12th of that year.
I don’t know how God prompted me to pick up my Bible and my journal that morning but He did. Seventeen years ago with my Bible, my journal, and my pen in hand I read from Psalm 112:7 and Psalm 139:1-10
Psalm 112:7
“He will not fear bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord”.
Psalm 139:1-10
1 You have searched me, LORD, and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
I wrote in my journal about not fearing bad news and about God’s everlasting love and faithfulness. I began to see that I had become consumed with my own imperfections that it made me ask the question; “Can someone become so consumed with what one isn’t that it interferes with who God is?”
Can we be so self-centered on our own imperfections when in fact we should be God-centered on His perfections.
2 Corinthians 12:18
8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
God makes up the difference. We should be humble but not so consumed with how “bad” we think we are that we forget how “Good” God is, and it is in His goodness that we are forgiven.
Later on the very same day, my husband calls me to come home. I sensed something was very wrong.
After returning home, my husband then proceeds with shacky hands and beads of sweat to confess to me years of infidelity.
God knew that this day, in particular, that I needed to hear from Him. God wanted me to hear His words before I heard my husbands that day.
God is familiar with all our ways, our comings and goings. He knew that I would face hearing bad news that day.
It was God’s words to me that would carry me through this season.
You see, that was not all that had be-fallen us. Exactly seven days later from hearing the bad news, I was awoken by my neighbor telling me to get out of the house, it was on fire!
I remember standing there watching my house burn to the ground and thinking; “Of course, why not? Why not this too?” The people standing around me may not have understood why I just stood and laughed.
The Holy Spirit’s strength in me was so strong, I just could not be shaken anymore.
The firemen were able to retrieve the five journals I had written and my Bible before the fire tried to claimed them to ash.
Today, I pulled my journal from seventeen years ago and re-read it. It still had a faint smell of my burnt house.
I read again what God had told me through His words in Psalm 139. I read again my words during the days in between my husbands confession, while still grieving the loss of a child, to watching my home burn down in flames and into ashes. The loss of all I knew.
What I found is that God was faithful then and He is still faithful now.
I read that I wrote, It’s not about me. It’s not about what I feel or don’t feel, what I want to do or not do. It was about me honoring God by being obedient and trusting God’s plan for my life. God allows things to happen in our lives so that we are strengthened by His presence, assured of His faithfulness and comforted with His love.
Today, seventeen years later, compassion has prevailed, forgiveness has long been established and beauty came from ashes. I have a new home in which to seek shelter, but it isn’t the one I live in, no, its the one that can never be taken away.
Psalm 91:1
Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
It is good to travel back in time sometimes and see how faithful God was and still is.
I challenge you to travel back in time in your own life to see where God’s faithfulness has carried you. Be encouraged as you travel back to today and look at this season in your life with fresh eyes and the assurance of His faithfulness to you today.
Time may bring many changes, but God doesn’t change. His love for you remains the same.
Hebrews 13:8
8 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.
Prayer:
God, our Father, you are our wonderful creator. You know us completely. You know exactly when we need to hear a word from you. You carry us. We thank you for your faithfulness. We thank you that in our weakness your grace is sufficient. We thank you that in times of adversity your Holy Spirit is with us. We thank you that we can abide and find shelter in you, the Most High, giving honor and thanks to you in all circumstances. May we put our full trust in you and your plans for our life. We don’t have to fear bad news because you can be trusted, Lord. May we remember to be God-centered and see your Goodness more than our weakness. We give you all praise. In Jesus Name, we pray. Amen.
Becoming His 
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